As each year comes to an end, I have found it helpful to reflect on where I have been and what I’ve done. This year-end meditation encourages me to think of a word that will define my next year, something I can reflect on and strive for, something to keep me in check mid-spring when I suddenly forget all that I’ve been learning.
My word for this past year was “contentment,” but honestly, as I look back I am not sure I actually achieved a new level of contentment. Yes, I spent a lot of time trying to find it, and many hours worrying about it. But rarely did I feel an acceptance of our current stage of life, rarely did I feel content.
I believe the word that best defines this past year is “expectance.” We were expecting, anticipating a lot of changes these last few months. Much of my time was spent in waiting, asking God what I needed to do to prepare for this next big thing – whatever that thing would be. And in retrospect, I feel like I missed many moments of living because I was so caught up in the waiting.
This has led me to a word for 2014, “abundance.” I want to make space for God to move in my life, in ways I didn’t even know were possible. Too much energy has been spent planning and worrying about the future, rather than sitting at His feet and cherishing the present.
Here it is: I am tired of living my life in waiting. I no longer want to put off this or that simply because we are not sure what the future will hold. I can worry about what will happen six months from now, or I can realize that six months from now may never come – so what do I want to do with today? What does right now hold for me?
Perhaps if I get quiet and make extra space for Him in my life, maybe then I will see that my existence is about more than just waiting for the next big thing. It’s possible that in those moments of stillness He will allow me to see that my life is already complete, that I can live it abundantly NOW – not someday. This year, and for years to come, I want to live life more than I want to wait for life to happen.
I want to spend time doing things that fill my soul – those kinds of things that are like a deep tissue massage for the heart. I want to laugh hard and sleep deeply. I want to chase the impossible without expectation. I want to fill my mind with information that excites me and put effort into tasks that challenge me in the most pleasant way.
I think I am finally ready to spend more time giving thanks for what I have, rather than planning for what I think I am missing. God has given me this one life and I am ready to start living it!
Won’t you join me?