Six and a half years ago I promised to follow him, a man, a human, sinful flesh and all.  Six and a half years ago I didn’t know what that would mean, would we be riding horses through the country side or feeding children in Africa?  Never would I have guessed he would lead me here.

I have followed him all over the country – from Michigan to Kansas to Ohio to Texas.  Each new adventure was more exciting than the last and with eagerness, I followed him.  I did not question his motive or his wisdom, I simply loved and followed.

But those times were easy for me, I wanted to go to these new places and I was excited to start a new life.  Now is not that time and now is not as easy.  It’s easy when I want to do the thing he wants to do, why would I question his leadership?  But what happens when I don’t want to do what he wants me to do and strongly believes I should do?

That’s when I learn what following is truly about.  That’s when I learn how awful I am at it.

What is it like for a man to have the weight of his family on his shoulders?  I’m sure it’s heavy.  For years I’ve paid the bills, but never have I felt the full responsibility of someday standing before the Lord as He asks how well I led my family.  Did you provide for them?  Did you teach them my Word?  Did you lead by example in the way they should go?

Imagine making decisions that will affect not only yourself but your spouse, children, and any future plans you all may have.  Now imagine trying to make those decisions with a wife standing to your left, feet firmly planted in the ground, fists clenched and mouth twisted wondering why you would ever dream to ask that of her.  How can a man stand up under all that weight without support from his wife?  That’s why she was created in the first place.

When I find myself questioning him, I should turn around and question myself.  Do I trust him?  Do I think his heart is good and that he only wants the best for me, for our children, for all of us?  Do I trust that the Lord is capable of leading him, even if I don’t see his time spent listening?  Did I mean what I promised to him years ago, that I would follow him and believe in him?  Do I love him more than I love myself?

Lord, grant me patience and peace while I open my hands not just to You but to the man You gave me.

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