I heard a great song recently, it moved me like the beauty of a sunset.
Over and over again I can tell Jesus that I surrender all to Him. But daily it’s a battle to mean what I say. The words of this song reminded me that even in the battle, even while I’m fighting Him, God loves me with a force that cannot be stopped. (You can watch the video here, I highly recommend that you do)
Your love for me is endless
I have but one response.
Hands open, defenseless
Unguarded in Your presence
This is where I belong.”
The relentless love of God. That is what overwhelms me. So undeserving, why does He keep chasing after me? I can’t help but think of a wounded child. One who spent years of her life enduring abuse and neglect. She has built up a wall and vowed never to allow anyone to get too close.
But suddenly she finds herself in a new home with parents who are committed to providing her with the love and support she needs to heal, to be whole again. Daily she will fight those parents, she will kick and punch her way out of their embrace. She’ll ask them to leave her alone and possibly even run away from them.
But they won’t give up, those parents. The love and compassion they have for their new daughter is greater than any hurt or pain that comes from experiencing the depths of her brokenness. They will pursue her, relentlessly. It’s a beautiful picture.
The difference is, these parents will likely grow weary. There will be days they simply don’t want to fight, they will ask if it’s worth it, they will fail and have to start over again and again. But God never grows weary. That’s the part I have a hard time understanding. He chases us daily, if not hourly, as we fight to maintain control of our lives. He never stops.
So why do I fight? I have not experienced the brokenness as the young girl mentioned above has. God has given me no reasons not to trust Him. But yet, I don’t. I fight Him. To stand unguarded in His presence scares me. It’s all about fear. And control. What will happen if I don’t maintain control over my life? Where will I end up, how will it feel, can I handle it?
Why even ask those questions?! I already have my answer. God’s love for me is endless. Endless. Without an end. Nothing I or anyone else can do will shake His love for me. And as I enter into His presence, unguarded, laying my life at His feet, what can come from this but blessings? He promises to give life to those who choose to lose theirs for His sake. Life. True life. How sweet that must taste.
I want it. I want to know true life. The kind He promises. But I first need to stop fighting and let Him have mine.
Spirit, grant me the courage to lay down everything without picking it back up. Free me from fear and worry. In the name of Jesus, I ask for freedom.