It was a perfect Saturday.  Morning cup of coffee.  Biscuits and gravy.  Fresh bread right out of the oven.  Time spent on the couch with my favorite person.  My heart was happy.

The arrival of Monday was not such an ordeal this time.  I felt as if I had lived those too few days off to the full and could face another week with a smile.

Worship on Sunday got me thinking about peace.  Where does it come from?  How can we find it?  We know peace comes from the Lord, but is it really so simple?

I’ve prayed for peace.  That I would be a woman marked by the peace of the Lord.  That in my presence others might also feel peaceful.  This is a big request for someone typically full of anxiety and worry.

It’s funny how the Lord quietly sneaks in to work on my heart and I don’t even know He’s there.  Like a parent fishing for the tooth under a pillow in the middle of the night.  Suddenly there is a change, a child wakes up and finds a gift where she had left the tooth.  But when did it happen?  How did she not even notice?

I have felt like that child lately.  Laying my worn, tired soul under the pillow and hoping for something new.  For a peaceful spirit with steady faith.  One that can laugh at the days to come.

Some sweet friends have commented on this peace, this change.  I didn’t even know He had come.  When did He sneak His hand under that pillow while I dreamt, and give me my heart’s desire?  Most days I don’t see it.  But I know it’s there.

I have been asked how I can have so much peace, how can I be joyful in the midst of all we have been through?  Waiting on a child.  Waiting for our house to be rebuilt.  Waiting for Jeff to graduate from school and see what the Lord has next.  How can I be so still?

The answer is not an easy one, since I didn’t even know about the peace that I had.  But Sunday night, during our time of singing praise and thanks, I remembered.

“You are holy, holy, holy.  God most high and God most worthy.”

My peace comes from serving a loving God.  As He has beckoned me deeper into this give-Him-all-I-have life, He’s reminded me of who He is.  How can I not have peace and joy when I know my life is centered in His plan?  The path may look different than what I had hoped for, but doesn’t He know better than I?  Doesn’t He see all that lies before me and direct me down the best road?  With everything in me, I know that He does.  And therein lies my peace.

God is who He said He is.  When I keep my eyes on Him, there is hope.  Nothing in my life will ever be outside of His will, His good and perfect will.

I don’t think I always believed this.  I may have said it and told other people to believe it.  But it’s a hard one to swallow so far down that it permeates your entire being.  But if we can believe it, oh the freedom that comes!  I’ve felt that freedom and it’s worth it.

I still have moments of darkness, moments when my focus is on myself or worldly things rather than Him.  But daily, I will choose not to live in those moments.  I know it all will pass, that there is something greater I am living for.

My desire is to recklessly abandon all I have and chase after Him who is life.  He has given me ample opportunity in all of our waiting.  I can do nothing to change our circumstances, all I can do is lean on the One who has it all worked out.

Jesus, help me.