I have been struggling this week to find purpose, to see my life the way it is right now as meaningful. There are greater things I hope for, greater things the Lord is going to ask of us. But are the today things any less than those?
Does God value the missionary or the adoptive parent anymore than He does the college student or ordinary businessman? My head believes, logically, the answer is no. God has placed us each of us where we are for the purpose we are presently serving.
But my heart is having a hard time believing that. Surely, I was made for more than this, more than 8-5 desk watching and paper files.
And then, just this morning, I was reminded of the words I wrote during our Thanksgiving vacation. It’s funny how they were exactly what I needed to hear. It’s wonderful how He always knows…
Nov. 17, 2012
It’s a bit dangerous for me to be alone with my thoughts for long periods of time. The time is sweet, full of reading and writing and dreaming and praying. But as I dream, I tend to become restless. Thoughts of am I doing enough? And, what if God’s leading me to this? My hands and feet burn, I don’t want to sit anymore – I want to do something.
But often I’m left staring blankly at a wall, what do I do? And is what I’m doing now what I should really be doing?
In my abundance of alone time this past weekend, God gave me this post to read. These words were what I needed, they helped calm my soul. I read them and sat, and smiled as the peace washed over me.
Ann’s words ring true for so many who are wondering, what is God’s will? Wondering if they’re doing the right things or if He’s asking them to do something else. It can be so confusing. And consuming.
As my heart burned and fingers wrote ideas and dreams of what our life could look like, and I questioned what I was hearing, what did He want me to do? He reminded me that I already hear Him and I’m already exactly where He wants me to be.
If I align my daily life with His Word and seek to gain His vision, I cannot miss His calling. God will cup my face in His hands and remind me that as long as I can hear His voice, I’m exactly where I need to be. When anxiety overtakes the mind, when I feel lost and helpless, in those times can I hear His voice? If I could, why would I not be still? When I can hear Him, my heart is content and peaceful knowing I’m right where He wants me.
It’s all still a mystery. I think it will be a wrestling match my entire life. I want to know exactly how I fit into His plan. I want to know what’s coming and what our lives will look like 10 years from now. Those things I will never know, and I will continue to fight to gain some control. Could God really be asking me to blindly lay my life in His hands? And to rest there, when absolutely anything or nothing could happen and I’ll have no way to prepare for what’s to come. Is that possible?
The tension will remain, but day by day I pray He will continue to remind me that I have no reason to fret. Today, I can rest. Today, I can see His hand and trust the path He’s leading us down is perfect. Today, I can hear His voice and in that I know the answers to my questions. Where does the Lord want me to go, what does the Lord want me to do? Be here. Be present. Keep moving forward in way He is showing me.