Today marks Day 12 since I started this crazy diet. Honestly, it’s not so bad. Though I miss some foods terribly (like eggs, bacon, coffee, corn…), I still get to eat some tasty things.
One of the most difficult aspects is that I have not been feeling a whole lot better until recently. For the first week, I still had a lot of the same symptoms, which was very disheartening. I am excited to say the last two days have been great though. And I have begun to add in more foods this week! I’m hopeful it will be an uphill journey from here.
As would be expected, lessons are being learned through the process. Not just about health and my body, I’m learning a lot about what it takes to be happy.
In the past, I thought happiness only came when there was something to look forward to. If the week was just ordinary, what was there to be happy about? This has been a challenge for me. And even more so without my beloved food, because it’s true – food makes me happy!
I used to struggle with gluttony when I was younger. Not the “oh wow, I ate too much” kind that makes us a bit uncomfortable after our Thanksgiving meal. It was something I felt strongly convicted about on a daily basis. Something I would pray about at night, asking forgiveness while knowing I was going to fall into the same trap the following day. It was going up to the cafeteria counter for thirds when I knew it was wrong but did not have the self-control to say no. It may sound silly to some, but this hold on my life tormented me hour by hour.
I struggled with more than overeating, I was obsessed with food. I worshiped it. I thought about it all day long. The amount and quality of my food often determined my happiness. Many times I would wake up in the morning and the very first thing I would think about was what I planned to eat that day.
For several years now I have not had to struggle in that same way, since cultivating a desire for healthy food. I have learned to listen to my body, a healthy body craves the nutrients it is lacking. I believe we were intelligently designed to know exactly what we need for good health, all that is required is the ability to make the choice.
My emotions this week have brought those past memories to the surface, the challenges I faced. The guilt I felt. How ridiculous it sounds now that something as simple as food could completely alter my mood. I allowed my joy to come from circumstances. And in many ways, I still do.
This week I have been reflecting on all of that and applying it to my attitude each day. I have no reason not to be happy, life is good, I can run and breathe and laugh, I am surrounded by wonderful people. But many times I simply do not make the choice to be happy. The choice to wake up and decide that this morning, I will be happy. Even if it’s early, and cold, and dark. I will still choose happiness.
Happiness can be a choice. When blessings are hard to see and our problems are bigger than the moon, it can still be a choice. And the strength to make that choice comes from Him who tells us to find joy in all things. Even the hard things.
~ James 1:2 ~